Six: The Frown of the Rainbow

 A tender time to celebrate

The most homolicious of holidays closes in haunt 

A shot and a sniff

All smiles until the sniffles sneak up

A face painted in glimmer 

Smokescreening the sunspots of unrelenting emotions

Longing to be held up

Surfing three days on the wave, white cap galore

Eyes like mars as we fast on sleep 

Cracks continue their creep

Then suddenly, the fall

The sun, the smiles, the heat, the humidity

Distracted, the ache builds, the illusion in show

Pride… for the lovers, and myself… the friend

Much anticipation for an ill-fitted fascination

Long without a space or a footing in this inclusive community

So I sought and sustain my own

A chosen family

Lit up in the spotlight of stained glass

All the colors of the rainbow illuminate

The window drawn shut until the beast was fed

Inside out, I will give what you need of me

Wear you like you want me 

Every cell in my being like lightning as you cross my heart, my head and then my bed

Stimulated in every sense

A merge of sound, colour, sight and projected light

Year-long, year-after-year, I live to love

My fellow friend, the gentle man

When the season comes, the weekend boils

Seemingly superficial, a production of pride

A reason to recognize, not to eradicate

Here we cheers and speed around the bend again

Illustrating such pride is gassed

The destination dulled

Delusion, my reliable right-wing

I play myself how I see myself

Fun ol’ fuckery, an inviting facade

Free entertainment by way of cutesy clownery

Authentic in effort and image

Lost, overlooked and misunderstood

A six-foot-four participation ribbon

The depths, the downs, the despair

Part foreshadowed, part manifested, part cursed

This power of mine

It lies in fusing with the pure of heart

Connecting links together

A neck held high though frighteningly unstable

The more the family chain extends around

The more I find myself slipping to the sidelines

I give you my heart and then some, but you already ate

Muscle and mesh, muted and masculine

Full on a full course of a shallow gaze

Oh to have that gaze, out in the deep

Those arms around my neck, my hips

Those lips to my mouth, to feel how hard you get

To handle that peach, to pretzel up with your tectonic torso 

To run my fingers through the hair on your chest 

Down the meat of your thighs

To spend a night with you, intertwined as we speak sweet nothings

The sun will rise and we will bring the mornings first smile to each others face

Coffee, and we continue on

And just like that, all is right

Rewritten and new

We may never be more, et c’est la vie

A soft serve twin twist

Only with a cherry on top

Notify me, do delight

Available to you both day and night

Sacrificing the resilience of my heart to feel close to you

Closer to that you that I have yet to meet 

The unrestricted you

Your squeeze, your tease 

Let me know you see me, that you can be there for me

Whether you fly or fall, your hand in mine

Submissive in nature, yet dominant in desire

Surrounded yet lonely and longing for your touch

Materialistic in the way that your skin feels on mine

This fire I carry cannot burn you 

Hold me close, strip me down and feel my heat wash into yours

There is no where else to sail, so another anchor drops

The seabed becomes my home away from home

I pine for the comfort of my home, land 

To love so originally and powerfully

A strength still with unbearable weight at times

Sink into sleep wondering can anyone, anywhere take on the entirety of me?

Dreaming of so while my heart still beats 

Padam padam

Magic whirls within

I see it like the sun even on a gray and lazy day

Why not stir the pot?

I offer comfort, pleasure and a queer gift

The taunting tease of togetherness 

Balanced by a meso-dose of challenge

Somewhere, somehow

I was brought to this earth, this city, this moment to feel your flame burn with mine

To bask in your breeze, that ease you emanate

To create a new energy, called on by chemistry

Side by side, this I know

Eager and open to spirits as bright as yours 

Your gravity pulls me in and will not let go

Fantasy now merely a framework

I remain fragmented until our roads can intersect 

All of the prepping over the years

And now here you are

I hope you stay to shotgun this joyride 

Lay back down 

Little miss universe 

Little miss higher power

Hit me like a deer in headlights

Wristbanded like an outsider at the zoo

Free to roam, still the real prisoner to everything that fulfills me 

A consensual trespass 

A trust pass

June came along with a heart of gold

And as the clock approached the final hour

No gold is found at the end of the rainbow inside

Only tears at a swell and a night-sweat soaked sheet of defeat

Kangaroo has left the party, stimulation set sail 

Yet rest and sleep stay until last call

Two towers with a bridge and a blockage

We begin to land within the lines, checkboxes and stats

They say just love yourself, get over it, move on

Well they are not us

I speak for myself on matters of the heart

With certainty, I deliver my love to you

Loving you allows for me to love myself more meaningfully

A simple side-effect

One that stems from being a roomantic, peace-loving, bull-headed, Taurean son of a Burtch

I endeavor to the peak as the King of Hearts

Adrift above the clouds

Raising my house of cards with the budding grace I possess

History echoes itself with bold, blockbuster effect

Crumbling before completion

A romcom dude reawakening to a personalized psychological mind maze 

A deep dive in colourful connection now renders me riddled in self-doubt 

I stay ready to risk it for a warmer, silkier, rhythmic kind of love

A musical appetite with a taste for your bodies dance

Still in the dark, I dance alone 

Midnight hits, Monday of Pride

The armor falls, the face fades

That Friday feeling now flipped into a frown

Fears reignite, packed and ready to stay the night

Long at last, the edged rain pours

As the colours go, the shadows now show

No warmth no more 

Hardening in plaque of glitter and confetti

I hang onto a hiccuping hope

Only now it hangs disquietingly delicate

I try my best, never seeming enough 

I wish you were here, to hug and to hold

You have my love, can I have yours for the night?

No tears in the club, no bub 

Save them for the bed half-full